Q&A: Where Did I Fail My Children?
For years I have been bothered with the idea that I must have failed my children. They are all grown up now and have abandoned their faith. None of them go to Mass on Sundays. They tell me that Christmas and Easter are enough because there’s something nostalgic about those feast days. I’ve tried to explain that they are throwing away a very precious gift of God. I keep praying for them to come back to the Church, but so far to no avail.
Fr. McMillan, SMM
Submitted by E.C., Washington, D.C.
Did I Fail . . .
First of all, you have not failed your children. If anything, they have failed you and themselves. Don’t regret the Catholic education that you gave them; it was worth every hard-earned penny you spent on it. What you are dealing with is a phenomenon that is far too common in the Church: the failure on the part of so many to develop a mature faith in God.
Maturity can be defined as that stage in life when a human being begins to understand the importance of giving instead of being continually concerned with “what’s in it for me?” People who tell you that they have given up going to Church because they don’t get anything out of it are people whose faith never grew up. What your children have thrown away is a childish belief that religion exists for one’s own personal satisfaction and gratification.
. . . My Children?
A mature faith is one that is centered on giving, as Christ explained, “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.” We attend Mass in order to worship God and to thank Him for His goodness to all of us. Certainly, a mature Catholic will pray for favors. But if he doesn’t get everything he asks for, he just doesn’t call it quits for good. That’s every bit as childish as giving up the United States of America because your favorite candidate didn’t get elected.
The old saying that you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink, applies rather well in your circumstances. You’ve done all you can for your children. You gave them every opportunity to mature in their faith. The rest is up to them. Please continue to pray for them, and trust that the Lord will look after them and answer your prayers in His own good time.
